We Are Married

 If you are married to a doctor, chances are your partner had cancelled plans before, numerous times, even during the most important plans. I know. I have been that partner and the person left behind. But, know this, it can get better if you want it to get better. Early in medical career, a doctor may not have much choice in their work. In Malaysia, as a house officer who is in training, you are mandated to go through six (6) different postings in order to get your full practicing certificate. Throughout that two years (or more) of training, you are the lowest of lows; expected to do all the work. Literally. Like when there are no attendants (for whatever reason) to push the patient to the radiology department, a house officer is expected to do that. Okay anyways. During this time, if you are married or have a partner, your partner will begin to develop this skill of making last minute plans. The plans include plans when you cancel and plans when you are suddenly available. Everyth...

One of the books that helped me with handling difficult situation is Option B by Sheryl Sandberg. In the book, she chronicled her journey as she navigated her way through her husband's loss. She described how other people interacted with her and all the things she learned by facing the most devastating tragedy a wife can imagine.  In one of the chapters, she talked about how in the hospital, one of her friends bought food for her despite her refusal. She wrote that during grief, if the person in grief is a close friend and you know the person well, you should just help the person out. Just buy him or her food or coffee and come to their house to help out. Do not wait for an invitation. The focus of the book was the grief of losing someone you love. However, the lessons from the book could be applied to other forms of sadness. After all, each of us may experience grief during different situations in life. A colleague's betrayal causes grief, failing an exam can be grief and just...

 Speaking straight does not come naturally. Especially in a society where we were always taught to "cakap berlapis" - which is a term telling people to "cover" your speech. Speaking straight is not generally celebrated in Malaysian culture, I think. People who speaks directly were often labelled as rude.  However, social medias such as Twitter have created a platform for people to speak their minds more openly. But that is in the internet. In reality, we still practice speaking our thoughts in an indirect way in general. As a married couple, I find speaking straight is easy to practice when both of you use the same pop culture reference. It's true, alright? We are a generation who grew up watching Hollywood movies, anime and have fandoms. It is lucky that both of us are (mostly) into the same things. So, when we have to explain our feelings or a situation, we use movies or series as reference. Because speaking directly is just NOT easy. But, sometimes, speaking ...

I attended MBA in Universiti Teknologi Malaysia (UTM) in one of their "persisir" or you can call it outcampus program where they conduct classes for special group of students in a department like in the state health department. It was a great experience, despite having to postpone studies due to Covid-19 and going online after that. My first subject was marketing. It was quite hard at that time because I did not have any idea regarding all those business terms and words and calculations etc. I think everyone struggled during that time. But, our lecturer was super duper amazing and was very tolerant and patient with us 😅 Like seriously we were super duper blur and confused most of the time, she had to teach us the basics of finance and accounting during the first class. Then we had accounting for decision making, economics, finance management and others. I think the most important thing I learned from MBA is how to "unlearn" things. This MBA program helped me to see...

Being married has its hard times; those times when you feel like you cannot take it anymore, the times when you just have to go crazy and let it all out. Those hard times carry their own benefits. One of them is that you learn how to handle your emotions and how to express your feelings. Because, after that, you regain your senses again and both of you can talk it out. After all, we are just being real human beings. But, being married doctors have its own hardships. Especially when both of your schedules do not allow you to spend more than 4 hours together in a day and you just cannot do anything about it. During those times when you are left alone, the only thing you can do is try your hardest to occupy your time with the various distractions you have around the house. That is the time when you tweet with your iPad and blog with your laptop at the same time. Haha. To tell you the truth, being married HOs is amazing. Why? Because you will always have someone by your side that ac...

It is an amazing feeling; when you realize that your spouse actually knows you better than you know yourself. Today, this happened: Me: Why didn't you talk to me? Him: Because I know you were tired and hungry. So, I let you eat and cool down first before I approach you to say anything. Which is the ultimate truth; don't talk to me when I am hungry/tired, I will actually turn into a dragon. Haha. I think that is the sweetest surprise; how my husband actually understands me and knows exactly what to do when it comes to me and my terrible mood swings. It just reminds me why I fall in love with him. So, try as much to understand each other. I think silence helps a lot in this matter. Assess the situation and learn from experiences. Yes, we learn from our mistakes. But, too many mistakes can lead to disaster. So, make just enough to learn as much as you can. In marriage, there is ALWAYS room for improvement. All you need is time and space...and, of course, love.

I know being married for one month is not really a huge achievement (unless, of course, if you are Kim Kardashian or Katy Perry). But, it is nice to have little celebrations for those small achievements that, when combined together, will eventually become a huge shining trophy. People like to keep track of the big stuff that they forget the little things. Those little things count for something, too. That one time your husband remembers to take out the trash without you asking him? That one time your wife lets you sleep in? That one time you did that little crazy thing? I am a huge believer of the little things. I believe that the little things change our lives more than the big things. After all, those gaps in our lives, are better filled with the little pieces of puzzle than the big ones, simply because they can fit better. So, remember all those little moments and keep them close to your hearts. You may one day discover its magic.