We Are Married

 One of my good friend at work lost her husband one month ago. It was so sudden, unexpected. They were married for 5 years. She had him for 5 good years. She came back to work today and we talked about her. I let her talk about anything she wanted. I only answered if she asked. For the rest of the time, I just let her talk. She talked about those last few days of his life, the moment she knew he was gone and all other things. She asked me, "What is the reason for all this? Why did he have to die?" ...she asked, so I had to answer. I thought about it for awhile. I answered  that in our religion, we do not focus on the why. We do not dwell to search for the reason why it happened. But, we focus on the things that happen after a bad event. We try to find...I could not find the correct word. I said "benefit" but I meant "hikmah". So, what is hikmah? I went back home and kept thinking about it; how to explain "hikmah" to a person with another religion...

One of the books that helped me with handling difficult situation is Option B by Sheryl Sandberg. In the book, she chronicled her journey as she navigated her way through her husband's loss. She described how other people interacted with her and all the things she learned by facing the most devastating tragedy a wife can imagine.  In one of the chapters, she talked about how in the hospital, one of her friends bought food for her despite her refusal. She wrote that during grief, if the person in grief is a close friend and you know the person well, you should just help the person out. Just buy him or her food or coffee and come to their house to help out. Do not wait for an invitation. The focus of the book was the grief of losing someone you love. However, the lessons from the book could be applied to other forms of sadness. After all, each of us may experience grief during different situations in life. A colleague's betrayal causes grief, failing an exam can be grief and just...