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9 Years 5 Months: Making Last Minute Plans

 If you are married to a doctor, chances are your partner had cancelled plans before, numerous times, even during the most important plans. I know. I have been that partner and the person left behind. But, know this, it can get better if you want it to get better.


Early in medical career, a doctor may not have much choice in their work. In Malaysia, as a house officer who is in training, you are mandated to go through six (6) different postings in order to get your full practicing certificate. Throughout that two years (or more) of training, you are the lowest of lows; expected to do all the work. Literally. Like when there are no attendants (for whatever reason) to push the patient to the radiology department, a house officer is expected to do that. Okay anyways. During this time, if you are married or have a partner, your partner will begin to develop this skill of making last minute plans. The plans include plans when you cancel and plans when you are suddenly available. Everything happens suddenly and has to be spontaneous. Your partner is a doctor or a healthcare worker? You may realize you are an expert in this.


Is it easier if both of you are doctors? No, not really. Maybe it is easier if both of you work in the same department? No, not really, seriously. When both of you are in the same department, you are also colleagues who need to cover each other when one of you is on leave. Plus, you may have a strict manager or boss who does not allow more than one or two people to take leave on the same day. Your other colleagues may not be too happy when BOTH of you are always taking leave together. Or, both of you will feel too obliged to work that you never take a leave together. 


However, it is easier to understand each other when you are both doctors or other healthcare workers. Because, you understand where the other person is coming from. Especially when you have been in their shoes before. There may be a time that even though both of you are doctors, you hold different positions in the workplace. This means, making plans may be easy for one person but harder for the other. One person may have more power to schedule their work timetable compared to the other person. This may result in some frustrations, but, such is life. The key is to understand that you always have a choice. 


As young house officers graduate to medical officers, the most important lesson for them to learn is that there are vast opportunities for them in the healthcare industry. They need to understand that medical officers are not confined within the walls of a hospital or a clinic. There are other work out there that you can do, that may suit your life better. Learn from everyone; even from those seniors that you hate so much who (you think) are not doing much because of their lack of clinical skills. They are usually more informed and experienced than you and can give good advice. Even when they cannot, you can always learn from their example (even when they are negative examples). Public health, management, finance, medical development, marketing, training, education and healthcare economics are options, too.


If your work is causing strain in your marriage or other relationship, changing career path is always an option, even for doctors. Some workplace have better working hours. It is especially not worth it to stay in a toxic workplace with bad colleagues and worse bosses. Life may surprise you if you let it. Some bad surprises, sure. But, remember, as long as you are alive, there is always a chance to change.


Open your mind, broaden your horizon. Just because you are not doing clinical work, it does not mean that you are contributing less. Just because you are not directly seeing a patient, it does not mean you cannot make a difference. 


So, anyway, this skill of making last minute plans come at a cost; you have to eat your heart out, and it does not taste better the more you eat it. Do not take the people you (truly) love for granted.

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