One of my good friend at work lost her husband one month ago. It was so sudden, unexpected. They were married for 5 years. She had him for 5 good years.
She came back to work today and we talked about her. I let her talk about anything she wanted. I only answered if she asked. For the rest of the time, I just let her talk. She talked about those last few days of his life, the moment she knew he was gone and all other things. She asked me, "What is the reason for all this? Why did he have to die?" ...she asked, so I had to answer.
I thought about it for awhile. I answered that in our religion, we do not focus on the why. We do not dwell to search for the reason why it happened. But, we focus on the things that happen after a bad event. We try to find...I could not find the correct word. I said "benefit" but I meant "hikmah". So, what is hikmah?
I went back home and kept thinking about it; how to explain "hikmah" to a person with another religion other than Islam? "Hikmah" is not the reason for something to happen. It is a good something that happens after a bad event, that somehow would not have happened without the bad event happening. It may be a lesson we learned or an experience or another incident or a blessing. This "hikmah" will lead you to the final step of grief which is acceptance. When you finally found it, you will see the bad event as not purely bad. There was some good in it.
Imam al-Munawi berkata: Doa yang disebutkan di dalam hadis di atas hanya untuk seorang Muslim. Adapun sekiranya jika seorang kafir berbuat kebaikan kepada seorang Muslim, maka doakanlah agar dia mendapat harta, anak, kesihatan dan ‘afiyah. (Lihat Faidh al-Qadir oleh al-Munawi, 1/526) - Source: AL-KAFI #1097: MENDOAKAN KEPADA NON MUSLIM YANG MELAKUKAN KEBAIKAN PADA KITA
The day her husband passed away, I mourned for her. I felt such grief that I searched for ways to pray for her, since she is a non-Muslim. I remember my husband told me, "You are grieving." Yes, I was. She is such an amazing person. She was just starting to get her life together. Then, disaster struck. We always talked about married life when we got together. Now, the one person who was her whole life is gone. When I called her that day, I told her that I need her to know that she did her best. She said, "I hope he knows I did my best."
She is a "hikmah" for me. From her, I learned how to handle grief (it takes time, give it time, time time time) and the grieving person. I learned that life is short, the worst thing can and will happen. But, the worst thing can be less worse as time goes on. You may encounter something much worse later. I learned that love is everlasting. I learned that life goes on...even after it hits you right in the face.
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