9 Years 6 Months: Growing Differences

After you got married and met with each other's families, you may notice huge differences between the both of you. As time goes by, you begin to understand where each other came from and what shaped this person who you fell in love with. Some may be easily understood while others you may not be able to fathom until the end. Some traditions may be so different from yours, it ends up being pet peeves. But, ultimately, those matters should not make you love the person any lesser.

Adapting with each other is always a challenge. I think it is especially important that you truly adapt to living with one another before you decide to have children. I am lucky that between my husband and me, we can truly talk about anything. We even discussed when we plan to have children before we got married (We're both doctors, remember? So we are control freak professionals). I can ask him anything about everything.

Dearest grew up in different places even before we met in 2002, when we were both 14. His family had lived in at least 3 different states and a whole other country as he grew up. As for me, I had always been in Kajang, born and bred. All of my mother's siblings live in Kajang. My grandparents live in Kajang. You get the picture. Naturally, it was quite confusing for me to understand where he actually grew up. His famous remarks: "I pun tak tau I orang mana sebenarnya." - the ultimate truth. Then, we both studied medicine in two different settings. I studied overseas in Egypt while he studied in a local private university.

As we notice both the small and big differences, it is important to understand them. Do not assume certain actions are done because the person does not love you. For example, when your spouse leaves the sink full before they go out to work, it does not mean they do not love you. Maybe it is just that they do not think that is a priority. Some people (amazingly) are just not bothered about a sink filled with dirty dishes. That is just the way they are. They just show you that they love you in all other ways.

Look out for the signs of love (other than an empty sink). It may be not demanding a homecooked meal everyday or taking up homework duty while you clean the kitchen. Being doctors, making an extra effort to leave work early or on time is already a big show of love. Arranging work timetable to fit each other's schedule is the biggest effort if you are married to a someone who does not work 8 to 5. Each person expresses love in different ways. So, try to understand each other's signs of love. Appreciate each gesture.

Pay attention to each other.

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