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Let Yourself Feel What You Feel

I was slacking last month due to emotional and personal reasons; I really wanted to get out of my current workplace and I knew that this month will be hell to go through. So, I let myself dwell in the misery of wondering what hell the month would be. The result was I slacked in the workplace for one whole month. The upside? My subordinates were happy because I was not my usual disciplined self. Yeay for them.


Then, July came and it did bring with it the hell that I predicted. And some.


Thankfully, I read this in Harvard Business Review's Instagram page which was adapted from “Emotional Agility,” by Susan David and Christina Congleton:

Leaders stumble not because they have undesirable thoughts and feelings - that's inevitable - but because they get hooked by them like fish caught in a line.

 

I realized that I was being emotionally rigid - I did not allow my emotions to change in order to adapt to the situation I faced. I dwelled on my negative thoughts and emotions because it seems to make sense. Therefore, I could not get past that. I did not let myself grow.


After I read that quote, I changed the way I managed my emotions - I allowed myself to feel the way I feel and I also allowed my heart to change as my mind tried to make sense of my next course of action. What happened was this series of events:

  • The problem: I will not have enough Medical Officers in my clinic (down to only half of what we used to have) and we still have to work 2 shifts plus full 9 hours during weekends. I brought it up to the department but my boss did not accept my proposal to shorten the clinic's operating hours as a solution. She asked us to weather through this with an "insya Allah saya usahakan". In a more personal problem, this means that my transfer will be deferred. Argh.

1. My emotions immediately after realizing this problem before discussion with my boss: Scared (What if I could not get my transfer?) and angry. I dwelled on this for one month because I felt like I REALLY WANT to feel this way.

2. My emotions for the first few weeks after the meeting with my boss: Disappointment and anger - no one is helping us, we have to go through this by ourselves, I need to work more, some colleagues will hate me...etc. Dwelled on these, too.

3. My emotions as I go through the next few weeks after that meeting with my boss: I started to realize that this will not be forever. But, I denied myself to feel better. I still slacked because I still dwelled on the negative emotions. Because I WANT TO and "no one is saying the right thing".

4. My emotions after I read the quote: Realization - I was being a persistent pessimist which let my thoughts go in circles instead of a line with an arrow towards the future. The most important action I took was - I let myself feel this way and let myself grow from the negative emotions.


At the start of this month, there were more hell as some colleague was still being rigid with their timetable and not being helpful towards others - but I let my emotions evolve from anger to disappointment to acceptance 😅😤😠😕😐 For reinforcement, I put the quote "This too shall pass" as my phone's lock screen.


Let yourself feel what you feel. If you realize that the negative emotions' effects are wearing off - let yourself feel that, too! You deserve to grow and be the best version of yourself.


Here is what I found from Susan David's website:



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